Contagious Backwards
by almbookbuyer
Summary: How do opposite timelines work when people get sick? River Song is about to find out.
1. Chapter 1: Must we save every world?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.**

Chapter One 1: "Must we Save Every World?"

"Yes, River," he said with total confidence. He was typing. His controlling the console was doing no good, so I took over, typing in the planet he was so determined to save.

"Honestly, Doctor. We could just as easily stay in today."

"But, _River_! They're dying!"

"In the past. Or the future. Or the present. We can choose. And anyway, look." I turned the screen toward him. When he'd showed me the basic summery, I'd scrolled down for more information. As usual, I found things he hadn't considered. "All mammals with double or triple helix DNA are suseptable."

He waved me off. "Don't worry about me. I've already gotten it. You can only get it once."

But what about me? "Well, I suppose that makes it okay."

He looked up at the sarcasm. "What? You want to let them die or something?"

I sighed. "No. I suppose I don't. I was just sort of hoping this would be a Doctor and River go on an exciting but life-threatening adventure day. Not a Doctor plays doctor with River as his bored nurse day."

He came over to me, a wicked smile cracked across his lips, and bopped me on the nose. "Bored, yes, but still attractive."

"Oh, Sweetie, you do spoil me."

"As do you, love."

"Do I though? I don't think I do."

"Why's that, honey?"

I smiled. "Spoilers."

…

He swaggered back into the TARDIS like a pirate marking his X on the spot. "River Song," he said with a smile. "I think it's time for that day in you wanted."

Before I could answer, he ran to the console and started take off. "Planet's safe. People no longer dying. Cure was same as normal human flu! Thank heavens it wasn't something weird that we couldn't have provided. But those raxocoricofalipatorians aren't used to getting those sorts of illnesses. Think about it. Imagine, not having a clue what was going on! Good thing it was similar to human flu. I mean, it wasn't the same, but-"

He just kept talking, didn't he. I sat down on the jump seat and crossed my legs. Truth be told, this particular adventure was trying. My whole body felt heavy and there was a sort of pressure behind my eyes.

"-River?"

I looked up, putting on my normal face. "Didn't catch that last bit, love."

"I said, ready River?"

"For?"

"For that day in!" He waved his arms about with excitement. "I'm ready for it. Or maybe we could go out, but we could go somewhere nice! We could go to a ball. I love balls."

"You can't dance, sweetie."

"Yes I can! You just don't understand my taste."

Actually, a day in sounded nice. I leaned back into the jumpseat. "Let's stay in, dear. How about we head down to the library and you can show me that book you just can't shut up about lately."

"What book?" He looked confused.

"Oh. Never mind." I stood. To my own surprise, I felt like dead weight on my own legs. Maybe I should just sleep. "I'm just going to the library."

He followed me as I walked. While he couldn't see my face, I swiped a bit of hair away from my eyes, rubbing my temple while my hand was there.

"River?" he asked, suddenly. I stopped. We stood just outside the library, but he sounded serious, and that was never good.

I turned back to him. His eyes were wide, worried. "Yes, sweetie?"

"I never asked if _you'd_ gotten Suoigatnoc before. You... you have, right?"

A wave of concern passed through my own mind. Maybe I was getting sick.

But no. That couldn't be. Not here. Not now. Not so soon. It took them practically two days before they got sick. We were only there for twenty four hours, and we hadn't been gone for long.

Yet, I couldn't help but wonder.

We did have two hearts. Did that circulate the virus faster?

Was I sick?

No.

No, I couldn't be.

I smiled reassuringly at him. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"So you have gotten it before?"

 _No._ "Yep."

He visibly relaxed and opened the door to me as if it was a grand gesture. I sashayed through, making a clear show of myself and knowing all the while that he was enjoying every bit of it.

He picked a book at random and pointed at the couch. "Okay. Sit. I'm going to read to you."

And that he did. He read me two chapters before the thoughts started creeping in again.

 _Why does my head hurt so much?_

 _It's because you're sick._

 _But I'm not sick. I'm definitely not sick._

 _Why couldn't you be sick? Time Lords and humans are both suseptable. You're probably more likely to get it, not less._

 _But if I'm sick, and The Doctor finds out..._

When he'd finished the third chapter, my head was throbbing. Goosebumps kept raising on my exposed skin. It seemed colder now. I wouldn't be able to hide the damage much longer.

Before he could start chapter four, I sat up. To my own surprise, the quick movement made my head spin, but I hid it well I think. "I should probably be getting back. Haven't slept for a while, and I need to serve that sentence some time. It might as well be while I'm unconscious."

He frowned. "But-"

I waved him off as I stood, this time being careful not to make myself too dizzy. "You'll see me soon, dear. I don't want to interfere."

He nodded, still looking a little unsure. I hoped I didn't look ill. I certainly felt it.

Normally, I would help him drive, whether he knew it or not, but today I didn't have the energy. She was nice enough to turn off the brakes though as I curled up on the jumpseat.

We stopped in my Stormcage cell, and The Doctor watched me carefully while I stood. I tilted my head at him. "What is it? Why so worried?"

"You look tired."

"I haven't slept in nearly two days. It tends to start to show."

He didn't look convinced. I went over and pecked him on the cheek, scared to kiss him much longer for fear I'd be clearly warmer. "You're so cute when you're worried."

He swiped a curl out of my eye. His cold fingers made me shudder a bit. His expression changed. I backed off before he could get another touch in, making myself more animated than before to compensate for his new information.

"See you soon, my love," I said with a naughty tone. I marinated the sentence in innuendo.

I got a slight smile out of it. "You must be right."

What did _that_ mean? I was too tired to worry about it. I blew him a kiss, noting the warmth of my own breath, and shut the TARDIS doors behind me.

She offered a hum of worry before she disappeared.

I collapsed onto the thin mattress of my cot. Even that small act had drained me. I needed to sleep. I couldn't deny it anymore. I was sick.

"Doctor Song?" whispered a timid voice from outside my cell. I smiled. The poor young kid had no idea how to handle me, but I liked him. He was almost too innocent.

"Don't worry, dear. I won't be giving you any trouble tonight."

There was a long silence, and I thought he'd plainly accepted that, but then he whispered, "Why not?"

Oh, brave, young, innocent boy. "Feeling a bit unwell tonight. Nothing to concern yourself with, but I'll likely be sleeping it off a while."

"Are you sure? I could get a medic. Or, if you'd prefer, I could scan you myself."

"What's your name again?" The poor child was stuck here babysitting who he thought to be the worst criminal in human history. I might as well learn his name.

"Ethan, ma'am."

"Ethan, you're quite cute, but if I needed a medic, I would never ever ask for a medic. You'd have to come in and drag me out."

I think he was scared I may have been serious. I think I would have been more frightened by the fact that I was.

He didn't speak again, and I kicked off my boots and curled up under the thin sheets. It was normally chilly in my cell, but it was rarely this cold.

Maybe I could just sleep it off.

 **This idea came to me late at night, and I got so excited! It may start off like a normal sick fic, but I assure you that it get's quite fun! I'm having so much fun writing it!**

 **I don't know how many chapters there will be. I'm writing chapter three right now. It likely won't go over six.**

 **Reviews are appreciated! I love constructive criticism too! Be as harsh as you feel necessary :P**


	2. Chapter 2: Vworp vworp vworp

**Told you I already wrote another chapter! Here is the edit! Hope you like it!**

Chapter 2: _Vworp... vworp... vworp..._

I groaned and buried my face into my pillow. Oh, god. Not now.

He bounded out of the TARDIS. I heard his bouncy footsteps. "River, wake up! Let's go see the North Northern Lights!"

I turned over to face him. He'd somehow gotten hold of another fez and looked ridiculous As usual. "The what?"

"North Northern Lights! Like the Northern Lights, but on New Earth. They're twice as bright."

Right now, even the colors he wore and the waving of his hands was making me dizzy and sick. "How about you come back later when I've slept. I just got back from you, and you're quite tiring."

He frowned. "Why are you pink and white?"

I closed my eyes. God, he was childish sometimes. "What do you mean, love?"

"Your cheeks are all pinkish, and the rest of you is all white with a bit of yellowish coloring. You look like a candy cane but not all stripey."

"The covers are warm," I lied.

He bounded forward and rested a hand on my face. It felt like ice, and I flinched from his touch with a shiver. He frowned in concentration. "River, you're sick. Why are you sick?"

"I'm not. Like I said, the covers are warm. You're probably just feeling that."

He frowned in concern. "Are you sure, River? Because, I think you're lying."

I closed my eyes. "Sweetie, I'm tired. Let me rest."

Sleep was beginning to envelope me again when he said, "You're sick. Tell me why you're sick."

"Spoilers," I murmured, giving in only because I knew he wouldn't leave now. Maybe if I told him, he'd let me rest?

"Well let's get you into the med bay. We need to see what's wrong with you."

"I know what's wrong with me. I just need rest, and you're disturbing it." My voice was starting to break. I cleared it, but that was the last thing my irritated throat wanted. I ended up coughing, sending my body into further shuddering.

He helped me to sit up, but I was already finished by then, and all he did was give my head another reason to spin and bounce.

"River, you're really hot."

"Thank you."

He glared at me. "I'm serious. Melody, I don't want to leave you here. You're burning up."

I laid back down though and curled up into a little ball. It was only when my legs swam through what felt like a lake of silk that I remembered I was still wearing yesterday's dress. In fact, I hadn't taken off my makeup or let down my hair either. I must look like a mess right now.

"River, tell me what it is at least."

"A flu, basically, but not widely known to humans in this time."

"So how'd you get it?"

"Like I said, Spoilers." Also, even talking was starting to hurt. I closed my eyes to fend off the swirling feeling between my ears.

Then his hand wrapped around my arm, and I was being dragged off the bed.

I immediately tried to yank my arm away, but I wasn't strong enough and ended up struggling to stay upright. When he started pulling me to the ship, I hadn't yet steadied myself and ended up stumbling into him. I held tightly to his hand as I tried to regain my balance. "Wait. Stop."

He did. Worry laced along his features, but I closed my eyes to try and right myself.

"Where are we going?"

"TARDIS. I told you."

I would have shaken my head, since I was too tired to speak again, but I couldn't. I didn't have the balance for it. God, this was worse than I thought it was. "I'm fine, Sweetie. I just need to sleep it off."

"No. I'm not letting you be sick and alone in prison."

"Fine."

He continued tugging me into his bigger-on-the-inside ship, and I opened my eyes in time to see a terrified Ethan outside my cell. I gave him a weak smile and put my pointer finger to my lips before The Doctor pulled me inside and shut the door behind him.

The Doctor let me go and ran to the console to start flying. I braced myself against the railing, knowing it was going to be a bumpy takeoff.

As soon as the TARDIS was in flight, even with her help, my stomach flipped in ways I didn't know were possible. She hummed attempted comfort into my mind. Though I appreciated the gesture, it only gave me a further headache.

She sensed this and stopped.

"River?"

I realized I was sitting down. When had I sat down? My head was leaning against a rail, and I was sitting sidesaddle on the floor. "Sorry," I muttered, pulling myself up. He rushed over to help.

"No problem. Are you okay?"

And, to my horror, he pulled on the sonic. "No!"

He looked up, taken aback. "What?"

I calmed my voice. I'd sounded frantic. "Please don't use the sonic. Like I said, I know what I have. I know what I need." And it wasn't a loud buzzing noise.

He nodded and stuck it back into his pocket. "Let's get you to the med bay."

"I don't need the med bay. I know what I have." All I needed right then was to sit back down. My legs felt wobbly, and the room swayed dangerously... or was that me?

"River?"

"Sorry," I said, looking back up at him, "What?"

"Are you okay?" He'd placed a hand on my elbow to support me, but I realized I was likely getting him sick and pulled my arm from his grasp. "No. I shouldn't even be here. I should go."

His face contorted. "What do you mean?"

I almost told him what I'd realized, but then I remembered him telling me he couldn't get it. He'd gotten it before. I still didn't want to be here with him though. He shouldn't be seeing me like this.

"Honestly, dear. I just need rest. You'll only be a distraction." I had to look away as I said that last part.

He came closer to me and put a hand on each cheek, forcing me to look up at him. "You're so hot, River."

I managed a slight smile. "Thank you, sweetie."

" _River_ , stop that. I can't let you stay there. Your fever is too high. Please, let me take you to the med bay or at least scan you with the sonic."

His hands felt cold, and it was nice enough that I gave in, closing my eyes and leaning against them. My lids felt warm. I tried not to breath warm air on his hand, but I could feel it even against my own lips.

"Honey," he said, "Let's get you to the med bay."

I sighed and pulled my face from his hands. "Alright then. If you insist."

I let him help me there, despite not wanting to, because I honestly did feel quite bad. I focused much of my attention on my feet and trying to get them to work correctly.

"Sweetie, where are my shoes?"

He paused only a moment. "Must have left them in Storm cage You don't own any practical shoes anyway, and you're in no condition to be wearing heels."

I rolled my eyes, though I knew that was a bad idea. "I could wear them if I wanted to."

"I'm helping you walk down a hallway."

"I like it when you hold me."

He didn't argue further. By this point in his time line, he knew I'd win.

We got to the med bay relatively quickly considering the circumstances, but the act of getting onto the cot was a surprisingly difficult endeavor. I'm not short or anything, but the cot was set up like a doctor's table, and therefor was level with my bellybutton. Under normal circumstances, I would have hoisted myself up with ease, but today, I was too tired to attempt it.

"Doctor?" I murmured He was still supporting a good half of my weight.

He lifted me onto the table without my asking, and I pressed my hand against the mattress to steady myself. As he set up the tests, I stayed there like that and watched.

"Lay down," he said.

"I'm fine."

"River."

I laid back onto the pillow and curled up into a ball, happy to finally be allowed some rest. I suppose I'd been allowed the rest all along, and it was I who deprived myself. Either away, the pillow felt heavenly.

The Doctor's hand brushed against my arm, making me shiver. "What are you doing?:

"I need to take some blood."

I yanked away the arm, looking up at him. "Why?"

"I need to see what's wrong with you!"

"I told you what's wrong with me."

He sighed. "I just want to make sure you're okay. It's better to be safe than sorry."

We stared at each other. Both of us were extremely stubborn, but I was in no mood to attempt an argument. I gripped my bottom lip with my teeth and let him take my arm.

He took the blood quickly, and went to the computer to test it. As he did, I laid my head back against the pillow and let myself drift off a bit. The med bay was freezing, but there wasn't a better option at the moment, unless I wanted to walk to the bedroom. And I didn't want to move.

The TARDIS lulled me. Her engines purred. Soothing songs were playing in the back of my mind. I was so tired by this point that the headache I'd had earlier was trumped by heaviness, and I barely felt it.

"River?" The Doctor said. I forced my eyes open.

"Mmm?"

He brushed a curl away from my face. "It says that you have Suoigatnoc. A flu."

"I told you," I muttered and buried my face into the pillow. I tried to continue with, "I'll be fine soon," but the sentence was muffled by the fluff.

"Sorry?" he said.

"I'll be fine soon," I repeated, lifting my head. It lurched and I laid back down.

He let me lay there a moment, and I began to drift off again.

His wonderful thinking powers kicked in as my dream started, though. He interrupted with an overly perky, "You'll be needing a soft bed. Yeah? Let's go!"

I groaned, and he tugged at my arm again.

"C'mon! You'll feel better in bed. I'll stay with you and everything! C' _mon,_ River!" He managed to pull me off the bed and into a standing position. At that point, I yanked my wrist out of his grip.

It took a moment to balance, but when I had, I turned on him with a glare. "Doctor, I'm going to tell you this once more. You. Are. Not. Helping. I know what's wrong with me. I know what I need. Let me alone."

The Doctor's face fell, and I almost felt bad. Almost.

"So you don't want to lay in bed."

I slumped back against the hospital bed. "Dear, you got me up. Now I've got no choice but to take advantage."

He smiled. "Great!"

And off he tugged me.

At least the bedroom wouldn't smell of antiseptic.

 **Can't help but feel bad for River, but at the same time, this story is fun to write... :P**

 **Reviews are appreciated! Constructive criticism is super helpful!**


	3. Chapter 3: A Warm Comforter

**Hey! Sorry for the wait. I finished the rough the day I posted chapter two, but when I went to edit it the next day, the file was corrupted! I had to rewrite a bunch. That's also why it's a bit short.**

 **I think this fic is going to end up being six chapters long. Until then, though, here's chapter three!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.**

Chapter three: A warm comforter and a warm companion.

Blissful sleep was bound to follow in their presence. And so it did.

Sleep wrapped me in a choking hug and pulled me into heavy darkness. Despite the feeling of serenity it gave me, I could also see potential nightmares in the corner of my eye.

I was used to nightmares. They happened often, if not daily. That was why I liked sleeping in Stormcage. The Doctor knew I had to spend time there, so there is where I slept. My own idea, of course.

And, of course, that meant he'd never been in the presence of one of my nightmares.

I knew I was falling into one. I could sense it. Yet, the pull of sleep was so strong, I couldn't help but give in.

…

Quiet. No, not quiet. Quiet wasn't the absence of noise. It was a small amount of noise. It was maybe a single twittering bird out a window. Or the rustling of sheets beside you as the clock ticked off the ever shortening seconds until he'd slip between my fingers.

It wasn't quiet. It was silent.

Not even the TARDIS's soft engines purred. Not a single breath. Not a footstep. Not one sound.

Nothing.

I sat up, finding it pitch black in the bedroom. "Doctor?"

The word echoed, but there was no response.

"Doctor?" I tried again. I felt beside me, but I knew he wouldn't be there. I felt too cold for him to have been there in hours.

Where was he? He said he would stay with me, didn't he? Because I'm ill. I got sick because of him, but I wanted to see him? No. I want to go back to Stormcage. I want to hide the damage. But he already knows.

"River?" said a small voice in the dark.

"Doctor?" It sounded like it had come from the end of the bed. I crawled in that direction. "Doctor, can you hear me?"

The bed seemed to lengthen under my touch, and my head swam. I kept going.

"River..." his voice said, farther away this time.

"Doctor!" I called. "Where are you going?"

"I'm not going anywhere," he said. "Are you okay?"

The bed suddenly gave way somewhere, and I fell into an airy cacoon of blankets. They were soft but suffocating.

I couldn't breath.

"Doctor! Doctor, I can't breath!" she called. "I'm trapped!"

He responded, but she couldn't hear what he said.

"Help me!" she screamed. "Help me!"

A hand grabbed her ankle and pulled.

"No!" she screamed. "Doctor!"

"Hello, Melody," said a voice. The hand tugged again, and she ripped through the blankets into a cold, dark room.

A single light turned on, and Madame Kovarian stood over her.

Even when River stood, her frame was barely half the size of Kovarians. She looked down and found hands of a child. They were dirty, and a bruise was fading on her forearm. She couldn't remember getting it.

"Melody Pond," Madame said. Her voice was cross. I looked up into her eyes again. "Melody, you've been very, very bad."

"I have?" I asked without thinking. It wasn't my voice that spoke. At least, it wasn't my voice anymore.

She sneered at me. "You will pay for what you've done."

Madame raised a hand and pointed it behind me. I knew not to turn around, but I did. Before I could see what was there, a cold hand covered my eyes and forehead.

I screamed and tried to find the arm the hand was attatched to, but nothing was there.

"Stop!" I screamed. "Stop!"

The hand fell away, and only cool sweat was left on my forehead. I looked around, trying to find my attacker, but nothing was there.

Hands grabbed my shoulders.

"River?" said The Doctor.

I tried to pull away from the hands. "Doctor! I'm- I'm-" Where were the words I was looking for? They seemed to escape me. Panic raced through every inch of me, and I fought to get away, but something was behind me. And there was nothing underneath me. Was my attacker holding me to the wall?

"River, wake up!" The Doctor said.

I pushed hard against my attacker that I still could not see. It was too dark, or something was covering my eyes. I couldn't tell.

"Melody!" The Doctor said. "It's just me!"

My attacker grabbed me and pulled me from whatever I was against. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed. The contact hurt my aching body. Had I been in a fight? I hurt so much.

I pushed away. He must be trying to strangle me!

"Help!" I managed. "Doctor!"

"It's just me," my attacker whispered in my ear, and I realized that _he_ was The Doctor.

I relaxed a bit, realizing I'd panicked for no reason. "Don't do that to me," I commanded.

Perspective began to dawn on me. I was laying down. I was on a bed. That was what had been against my back. The Doctor must have woken me from-

"You were having a nightmare," he said. "It must be the fever. I tried to bring it down, but you pulled the washcloth off your forehead."

A washcloth? Was that the hand over my eyes?

I blinked a few times, trying to focus my eyes. First came the light. Then, shapes. Finally, the room fully formed in front of my throbbing head. I was in the TARDIS. And, I remembered, I was sick.

"Oh God," I muttered. "I must have acted like a total idiot."

He put a hand on my head, stroking my hair. "What was the dream about?"

"What did you hear?"

His lips parted into a vaugely rectangular shape. I narrowed my eyes, and he answered. "You talked aloud."

 _Oh._

I turned my face away so he couldn't meet my eyes, and he kept stroking my hair. My hearts still beat hard in my chest, and I still felt a tiny bit shaky. Most of what I felt, though, was cold and sick. And The Doctor was right here stroking my hair.

"Do you want some water or something?" he asked.

"That would be nice," I said. He climbed off the bed.

"Food? I could make soup or toast or something. That's what people eat when they're sick, right?"

I still didn't look at him. "Yeah. Sure. Soup."

He touched my chin, lightly pulling me to look at him. I gave in, and he stared at me. "River, are you okay?"

I nodded. "Sorry. I'm fine." I smiled to prove it to him.

He didn't look convinced but let go of my chin. "I'll be right back."

"Okay."

The Doctor left me with one last worried look.

I listened to his footsteps. They were quick against the hall floor, but soup took maybe ten minutes? Or was it five? I couldn't remember. Either way, I had a few minutes to be alone.

When I heard him turn a corner, I sat up. And when he sounded far enough away, I pulled my legs from the blankets and forced myself to stand.

Vertigo made me grab at the edge of the mattress, but once I caught my balance, I stood on my own. He'd somehow gotten the vortex manipulator off my wrist -who knows when- but we were in the TARDIS.

I was getting out of here whether he liked it or not.


	4. Chapter 4: She Stalled Again

**Sorry I didn't post this yesterday. Fanfiction wouldn't load!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own doctor who.**

Chapter Four: She Stalled again.

I slammed my hand into the console in response, a screaming _BANG_ echoing through the room.

"Why won't you work?" I demanded. "You always work for me! Why now? Of all times, why now?"

She tried to calm me, but I was way beyond that. I pounded the fleshy part of my hand into the console in syncopation with the throbbing of my head.

"Just not here!" I said. "Anywhere! Just. Not. Here!"

The noise and movement made me feel dizzy. I backed away, knowing full well my self control was too little to let me stay where I was. My hands wrapped around the railing behind me and squeezed. They hurt. I pressed my eyes shut and pushed my lips into a thin line.

 _Calm down,_ I told myself. _You're only making it worse._

I sat on the floor and put my hands in my hair. I pulled at fistfuls of curls. My head throbbed, but it was worst around my squeezed eyes.

The TARDIS tried to console me, but she failed. I just wanted to be alone. I _needed_ to be alone. She was denying me that.

At the same time, I wanted to curl into someone, to hug someone and cry into their shoulder.

But I just wanted to be alone.

Thoughts for both sides warred in my weary mind. I wrapped my arms around myself, but I still felt exposed and cold. The Doctor could fix that. I knew full well he could, with ease even.

But...

Flashes of memories and thoughts and possible futures went by behind my eyelids faster than I could process them. All in the same second:

 _I sat alone in the classroom, hot tears locked tightly behind closed eyes. I was leaning against the cabinet. It was freezing._

 _The teacher, a young woman who I admit was nicer than I gave her credit for, came back in from hurrying the rest of the class into the hallway. I opened my eyes to watch what she was doing, and the tears escaped._

 _"Why didn't you tell anyone, Melody?" she asked me. "I'm sorry."_

 _I'd had a fever and collapsed during class. Everyone had been terrified. Amy was trying to help me up, but I couldn't move yet... She didn't understand._

 _Kovarian stood over me. Her smile vicious._

 _"No one will ever understand, Melody."_

 _Amy demanded to know what possessed me to do such... what was the word she'd used? Utterly_ stupid _things. I shrugged her off, knowing she wouldn't understand._

 _"No one will ever understand you, because you're special, Melody." Kovarian knelt in front of my tiny body and took both my hands. I tried to back from her, my cheek still stinging from only moments before. "Only we understand you. That's why you're here. It's better for you here."_

 _The Doctor would be so upset if he knew. If he knew what I really went through, he wouldn't be able to take it. Even if he could, it would just be that much more on his plate. I can't let him see. I can't let him hurt like that. I can't._

The TARDIS purred at me in the back of my mind. She tried to pull me from my thoughts.

There were tears in my eyes. I wiped them away. I couldn't look as if I'd been crying. I couldn't explain that. He wouldn't understand.

 _No one ever understands._

I focused on the feeling of my own arms wrapping around myself again. I wrapped them as tightly as I could, but it wasn't enough. Memories inundated me again.

 _You will never be held by anyone but yourself. You'll have to hug yourself. He'll be gone. One day, he will be gone. One day, Amy and Rory will be gone. There will be no one left. You will always be hugging yourself. You better prepare now._

 _Get used to it._

 _It's the best you've got._

 _Stop pretending like you've got someone to cry to. If you did, wouldn't you be with them now? Why did you have to send him away?_

I pulled at my hair again. "Because! Because, he won't understand. Because I don't _want_ him to understand! Because if I tell him one thing, the rest will just come out. Because if I tell him this, he'll know there's more. Because it'll hurt him. Because _I'll_ hurt him. Because. I. _Can't!_ "

A new thought came with every pound of my head.

 _Your only friends were your parents. Still are to be honest. They are always in danger. Always so close to the end. It could be anytime. What's stopping it from being now? Or tomorrow? Or yesterday even?! And there's nothing you can do except make it worse. You already killed your own husband twice. All murderers are good for is murder. You're a murderer._

 _"You'll end up in prison!" Rory had said to her, trying to reason with her. But she didn't listen._

" _I_ didn't listen," I said, recognizing that I again had started talking about Mels as if she wasn't me.

 _You never listen. Listen for once! Or talk for once! It won't kill you._

 _But it might kill them._

I pulled myself back to reality after that one. I found a blinking light on the console and counted.

It was off for almost six seconds. It was on for about two.

 _Focus._

 _1...2...3...4...5.._

 _1.._

 _1...2...3...4...5.._

 _1.._

"River!"

I jumped nearly a half foot in the air and looked to his relieved face in the doorway. His arms hung in front of him, a bowl of soup pulling them toward the floor.

"You should be in bed. What are you doing out here?"

 _What am I doing? I need something plausible._

My mind felt like mush, but I pulled, "Took a walk," out of thin air. "Got bored of the bedroom." With an intent to distract, I added, "Thought I'd find you. It's pretty hard to be bored with you around."

For once, he didn't blush. Instead, he lifted the bowl to chest height. "I made the soup."

I pulled myself up with the railing. Every sense was tuned to max after the ordeal I'd just had, and my head was killing me. And there was no exit.

My final defense came out with full force.

"Take me to bed, Sweetie?" I taunted with a flirtatious sneer.

 _This better work. If I can convince him, maybe I can get out of here. I just have to keep him distracted._

He looked at me oddly, as if he didn't quite know what he was dealing with.

 _This is what he'll look like one day. He won't know you._

"What's wrong?" I asked, suddenly worried. What if he was younger than I thought? What had I done? Why was he looking at me like that?

"River, you're sick, you're tired, and you're trying to distract me."

Or maybe he was older than I thought.

"How dare you think so low of me!" I said, only light defense in the statement, more tease. "I'm only asking for my husband to take me to bed. It's been a while."

"River!" he scolded.

I let my smile drop and leaned further into the railing. This wasn't working. I wasn't getting out of here. He was going to figure out the full extent of what was happening, and there was nothing I could do about it.

There weren't any flat tables in the console room, so he set the bowl on the floor and came over to me. He wrapped his long fingers around my shoulders and slid them to my hands. I watched as they did this, not once meeting his eyes.

"River," he said. He waited for a response.

"Hello, Sweetie," I murmured.

He pulled his hands from my arms and cupped my cheeks. The Doctor tilted my head to face him. "River, tell me what's going on."

"You know what's going on."

"But tell me. Say it."

I blinked, confused. He was staring at me. Strict blue eyes stared at me. They weren't going to bend. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at him. "I have a flu. It's like a human flu, but it only affects creatures with triple helix DNA."

"No."

I opened my eyes again, one eyebrow raised. "What?"

"Wrong. You're sick."

"That's what I said."

"River."

I rolled my eyes. It made the room lurch again. "Fine. I'm sick."

"How does it feel?"

"How do you expect? I have a headache and I'm dizzy. It's the flu."

The Doctor pulled away from me and pulled at his own hair. "River, you don't understand. I know these things. I want you to tell me what I can't see."

Of course, I had figured that out. He knew I was hiding something. He wanted to know what.

He met my eyes again, and I let him.

"Please, tell me," he said.

I hesitated, not because I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say it.

"River?" He watched me nervously.

I shook my head. "I can't."


	5. Chapter 5: Do You Want the Soup

**I think this is the last chapter. If you want an epilogue or something, feel free to review and tell me that, but I'm currently thinking this is the last part of this story.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who**

Chapter Five: "Do you want the soup or what?"

I groaned and pulled the covers to my nose. "Sweetie, if I didn't want the soup two seconds ago, I don't want it now."

"But I made you soup!"

I rolled and faced the opposite wall. "Shut up."

He did for a moment. Then, he set the bowl on the nightstand and laid down next to me. The bed shifted as he did, and the movement made me slightly dizzy. This surprised me a little, seeing as I'd walked here not ten minutes ago. It may have taken some help from the wall, but I managed.

"Why do you hide from me?" The Doctor asked. His voice was softer now.

I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. This wasn't a question I wanted to answer, and it was one he wouldn't let go. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why do you pretend like you're okay all the time? You were trying to escape rather than tell me the truth. Why do you lie to me?"

"I'm not," I argued, still with my closed eyes.

He placed a hand on my forehead. His fingers felt ice cold.

The Doctor pulled his hand away and cuddled closer to me. "River, please stop. Please. These walls... They're not healthy."

I rolled back again to face him and propped myself up on one elbow. The annoyance on my face wasn't faked. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You have to talk to someone!" He didn't look or sound annoyed back at me. He appeared... sad. His voice, though, was louder than before. "How else do you get all those feelings out?" He lowered back to a whisper. "I talk to you. That's how I do it."

"Well, I don't."

This didn't make him angry either. He just watched me sadly. The arm I was leaning on felt shaky under my weight, and I knew I'd have to reposition myself, but after making a statement like that? I couldn't lie down again.

I sat up instead. The room spun when I did.

He took my hand. I looked at him.

"River, lay down."

"I don't want to."

" _Please_."

I didn't move.

He looked away from me. "I really did make this worse, didn't I. I should have just left you in Stormcage. You would have taken care of yourself more. I want to help you, but I should have known you wouldn't let me."

There was a part of me that wanted to deny this, but that part was quickly vetoed. Even when he let go of me and climbed out of bed, even when he straightened his bow tie and went to the door, even when he got to the door and looked back at me with sad, wanting eyes. Even when he told me he was sorry and left the room as quietly as possible, and I was left alone, just as I had asked.

I laid back on my pillow that still smelled of The Doctor, finally able to lay comfortably without eyes watching, and wished that he had never come to save me. Now, I'd hurt him.

…

A few hours later, I woke up from another nightmare, too similar to the others to bother explaining. When I became lucid again, I was facing the wall, so I turned to The Doctor.

He wasn't there, and I remembered what I'd done.

Where was he now? This was his bedroom... Was he off adventuring without me? What could he possibly think of me now... I was weak, and I had hurt him in my weakness.

This would have to be fixed.

But even sitting up to set about this task sent the room reeling. I looked at the bedside clock. I'd only slept for maybe two hours. I would likely feel symptoms for another day or so, though eased after maybe another few hours of sleep...

The thought was tempting, but I couldn't leave him like that. This was ridiculous! How could he think waiting in the other room could be more helpful than sitting beside me?

Because he was right...

My eyes slipped closed, and I let my head rest on my knees that were still under the quilt. He wasn't wrong. His being near me was the exact reason I had been pushing myself so hard. But it was this scenario precisely I was avoiding by pushing myself in that way.

The Doctor was worried about me. And I could do nothing about it except...

Except...

All but one option would actually make a difference, and it was the one I never thought I'd do. I'd never reverted to it before, and god knows I never wanted to...

My eyes still closed, my head still on my knees, I didn't clear my throat. I didn't try to sound strong. I didn't pretend. I just yelled.

"Doctor?"

It came out horse, and I winced. The word hadn't hurt my throat, but letting myself sound like that for him... It made my heart sflutter. I wanted to run and hide before he came running and found out I'd actually said his name... sounding so desperate.

At first, he didn't respond. I sat up the rest of the way and looked at the door. I could go and get him I supposed...

So I peeled the quilt off my shaky, clammy body and made my way to the door. Every step seemed a gamble for balance.

Going down the hallway, I let myself lean my shoulder into the wall instead of just trailing it with my fingers. It made me feel better anyway, though my heart was still banging away in my chest about this whole situation.

"Doctor?" I called again. I couldn't help but clear my throat after sounding horse the second time. I repeated, "Doctor?"

"River?" I heard from the kitchen. "In here!"

I willed him to come out here. The doorway seemed far away.

He stuck his head out the door. His eyes were bright like those of a child's and he had an oven mitt over the hand he lifted to wave.

When we met eyes, though, he became serious. It was then that he assessed the situation. And, as I'd suspected, he saw my surrender immediately and came to help.

"River," he said stepping close to me, "Are you okay? What's happened?"

Even following his movements was making it harder for me to stand. Instead of making myself track them anyway, I closed my eyes and leaned my head into the wall. It made the following easier to say, since I didn't have to look him in the face. "I don't feel well."

He was silent. Without giving a response, I heard him begin walking away.

I opened my eyes. "Doctor?" The desperation in my voice wasn't faked, and it wasn't put there on purpose.

He looked back. "I'm just turning off the stove. Then I'm going to bring you back to bed. I'll be right back."

I nodded, and he disappeared into the kitchen. From inside, he said, "Is it worse? Is that why you're telling me?"

When he came back out, I answered, "No."

"I'm glad you're letting me in, but why?"

I reached my hand out, but he was too far away. When I pushed away from the wall to take his elbow, I stumbled to my knees. He wrapped an arm around me.

My vision wouldn't quite stop moving, and I closed my eyes. He lifted me to my feet. "You okay?"

I didn't want to nod or say a thing, so I didn't respond.

"I'm going to start walking now, okay?"

Again, no response.

He started walking, and I moved my feet only to keep up with him. My head hurt, I felt dizzy, and I was ready to let him see. Once I let go, there was no taking it back.

"River," he said, "We're back in the bedroom. I'm going to help you into the bed, okay?"

I opened my eyes, and the room swayed. Together, we worked our way into the bed and cuddled up together. When I tried to lay on my pillow, he put a hand in my hair, nudging me toward him. I took the hint and laid on his chest.

"Goodnight, Honey," he said.

…

When I woke up, I was surprised to find only a dull throbbing in my head. I opened my eyes, and the world had finally settled into motionlessness. Even when I sat up, it did not move.

The covers over top me were cold and sticky with sweat, and I pulled them off. The Doctor was still there, and he began to shiver with the new air.

I decided I'd find him a clean blanket and went into the hallway. Things had been moved when I tried to escape, so I supposed I'd be walking in circles a bit to try and find linens, but the closet was pretty close at hand. I got back to my love in reasonable time.

He had curled into a tight ball on the bed, cuddling a pillow. His face was a fiery red, and his mouth hung open as if held on by a string. I draped the new blanket over him and crawled back beside him.

Within moments, the blankets seemed very warm. His body heat was incredible. Had I really been so sick to notice this much of a difference once the fever finally broke?

The Doctor groaned and rolled over, on top of me, putting pressure on my chest and making it difficult to breath. "Doctor?"

His eyes fluttered open. They were glassy. "River?"

"Please get off me."

He did and groaned again. "Oh god, what's with the head?"

I looked at him with confusion. "What do you mean?"

He put a hand to his forehead. "Headache. I've got a headache. River! You got me sick!"

I blinked, confused. "You said you couldn't-"

Oh. _Oh._

I sighed. In my feverish state, I must've not thought about this enough. The Doctor's timeline was backwards to mine. I got sick after this adventure. He got sick before. That would be now.

"Sorry," I said and brushed some damp hair from his face. "I'm going to go get you some water. Okay?"

"No!" He cuddled into me. "Stay here."

"Doctor, you have to get some food and water in your system."

He buried his face in my collarbone. "How do you feel?"

"Just a headache. Beyond that, I'm fine. And I'm being completely honest this time. If I still felt as bad as I did last night, I'd be more miserable than you are."

"I'm glad you decided to let me see it."

He looked up when the statement made me stiffen. His hot breaths hit my lips and chin. I didn't answer him. I leaned in close and kissed him.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you more," I said.

He smiled. "I love you the most."

I laughed. "I love you more than that!"

"What's better than most?"

"I love you more than words can say."

His face sobered. He leaned forward and kissed me. We both smelled of sick. When we broke away a moment later, he leaned back on the pillow and closed his eyes.

"My head is killing me."

"Wait to ruin the moment," I teased and climbed from the bed. "I'm going to go make us both toast. Don't do anything endearingly stupid while I'm gone."

He smiled. "I'll do my best."

"No you won't," I informed him without a look back.

 **I think that's it! What do you think? Please review! Critique or praise or a simple statement, I read and appreciate every one! :)**

 **Also: Check out my other stories! More shorter stories like this and one-shots are coming soon!**


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